Archive | July 2011

The return of the baby daddy.

After months of feign interest and complete abandonment, my ex has returned into the picture, and he wants to be a daddy again. There was a long period of time, where we didn’t even speak, mostly due to his lack of phone or any type of communication. He even missed the birth of his own daughter in January. This is a guy who wanted nothing more in this world than a daughter, and he couldn’t even show up to the hospital to see her. But that worked out for the best, because if there is one thing that sucks more than being stuck in a hospital for days, it’s having someone that you pretty much hate coming for a visit to pretend to be a daddy.

A lot has changed since we separated last June. It has been a year of adjusting to something new. Although things are very difficult, and there always seems to be something happening that causes my life to become even more difficult, I am actually really happy.

After kicking my dad to the curb, suddenly my ex comes a knockin.

The first outing was at the park, neutral ground and all. Things went better than I thought they would. He didn’t ignore his son like he usually does. He gave both children a fair share of attention. We started talking and something strange occurred, there was no animosity, no snarkiness, just normal conversation.

The next week, I met the ex at the grocery store, where he purchased food for me and the kids, in an effort to help out what he could and also get food for dinner. We went back to my house and cooked dinner, well I cooked dinner because some things don’t change.  He played with the kids and kept mentioning how he needed to get back into daddy mode. Once the kids dozed off, we started talking again, and it was once again pleasant. The following week, he called a few times just to chat, and texted me random things. One of the days he even called to tell me happy anniversary. Nothing makes a man remember his anniversary better than being divorced, apparently.

So this dinner with the kids is going to be a weekly thing, and there was once a time when my ex and I were best friends, so maybe there is a chance at friendship again. Only friendship of course, nothing more! never going to go down that road again.

Even this morning, he texted me to say how excited he was for today, he couldn’t even sleep. Yea, I know what you are thinking, and he is absolutely like a ridiculous overly sensitive woman.

In the long run, I don’t think that my kids spending time with their dad is going to negatively affect them, even if he does end up disappearing. He spoke about his girlfriend and how she is in navy bootcamp. They might move to Washington when she gets stationed, so perhaps this is his way of being connected with the children while he still can. I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder what is worse, never really knowing your father or knowing him but having a terrible relationship with him. My father was around for my younger years but he was drunk the whole time. After the age of 10, I rarely saw him, that is until he decided he wanted to clean up his act for his grand kids. But that didn’t last long.

My little girl may be most affected because if she never really gets to know her father, won’t that mean she might develop abandonment issues? Thanks to my father, I didn’t become a slut, I just became an un-trusting closely guarded and emotionally closed off individual to men. Even most women. Even this blog is a bit of a cop out, everyone in my family and my friends know I have a blog but only one person even knows which one is mine. So secretive.

So back to the baby daddy situation. My ex isn’t a terrible person, if he was, I would have never married him in the first place. We are just very different people and we had these two amazing children that are perfect in every way. So perhaps I used him mostly for his sperm, whatever. As long as he continues to make an effort, and doesn’t give me too much guff, I won’t be kicking him out of my life and definitely not out of the life of his children. Even if I did still hate him, I have never denied him time with his kids. That would be petty and bitchy, something akin to when women punch a man in the junk. I never understand why women think it’s okay to do that!

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The Lost Weekend, who needs a father anyway?

4th of July weekend was something I was looking forward to. Taking my kids to see my brother and sister-in-law. They live in this beautiful idyllic beach town in central California that is such the perfect change of pace for someone who is trapped in the desert most of the time. The trip was full of ups and downs. The ride there was entertaining if only for the random spurts of uneducated racist and other politically incorrect statements streaming out of my 80 year old grandmother’s mouth.

Not surprisingly, my son was in heaven. He had stairs to climb, an ocean to splash in, sand to play in and a dog to torture. My daughter was equally excited, although she is one of those babies that smiles for absolutely no reason. I don’t know how I got such freakishly delighted children, but I’m not complaining. I’m sure when they are 12 and 13, everything will bore them and they will have a perpetual scowl on their face.

Being around family all weekend can be fun, if not a little exhausting. My grandma infuriated me when she saw that I was texting and not paying attention to everything my son was doing. She also doesn’t understand that I am fairly chilled out in the parenting department. I think that mothers need to relax a little with their kids, or they are going to make them anxious basket cases. I also understand that my son is not even 2 yet, so I do pay close attention to him and manage to multi-task. However, my grandmother decided to compare my mothering skills to my cousin.

To explain, I have a cousin that is a year older than me, but quite different then me. Growing up, people would be shocked to discover that we were related. She was kind of the slutty-bad girl who dropped out of school in the 9th grade and had no real aspirations in life. I was the nerdy, shy, academic girl who had high hopes for doing something amazing with my life. Somehow, as we have grown up, our vast differences have become less so. She has a 6 year old daughter that she more or less takes care of on her own. Most of her daughter’s life was spent with the grandma, so the parenting thing is kind of an afterthought. Comparing me as a parent to my cousin is a major insult in my family. But since I am used to me grandmother being pure evil on occasion, I simply confront her and remind her that she had 5 kids that all turned out a mess. Yes, I am that much of a bitch, that I talk trash to my grandmother. That’s what family does, when you’re close, I guess.

Another element I gathered from my trip was that my older brother and his wife were absolutely exhausted simply having my kids around. My brother thanked me for helping to stave off the desire to have kids for a few more years, because he didn’t know if he could handle it. Light weight.

The trip was a great success, and then we came home. My father is a recovering alcoholic and so when he went away for the weekend to hang out with his two alcoholic brothers, I was concerned. As soon as I got back from the trip, I had only a short time to get get ready for work and take off, so I  almost ignored the fact that my father was acting odd.

When I got back from work, my father was acting extra sleepy. This was only slightly worrisome, as he had just spent the weekend away and is also a diabetic. It wasn’t until I got home from work that I started to suspect somthing was amiss. I went on my nightly walk and returned to him dozing off while holding my daughter. I asked him if he was going to go for his walk, he responded that he was way too tired. I knew something was wrong, because he is never too tired to take a walk and has to help stave off his high blood sugar with 2 walks a day. I took my daughter into my room and put her to bed, as I went on my computer. After about an hour, I walked in the kitchen to get a glass of water, when I noticed that my entire fifth of raspberry vodka was empty!

My father is incopacited on the couch (something that I have gotten quite used to in my 26 years) and screamed at him to wake up. When he finally came-to, I asked him where my vodka was, his response? “oh, I drank it”.

After a good ten minutes of berating him and telling him that my life is a complete mess and I have serious issues all because of him, yes I have daddy issues, I told him to get out of my house. He told me that I was being ridiculous and overreacting, but he drank an entire bottle of vodka at 3 in the afternoon while watching my children. Not okay! He drunkenly stumbled around the house to pack up his stuff and I stood their like a parole officer with a watchful eye. He asked me if I think he is drunk, why I would let him drink and drive. My response was simple “because I’m hoping that you will drive into a wall, and we will finally be done with it!”

As soon as he started his car, I called the police and reported a drunk driver with full description.