After months of feign interest and complete abandonment, my ex has returned into the picture, and he wants to be a daddy again. There was a long period of time, where we didn’t even speak, mostly due to his lack of phone or any type of communication. He even missed the birth of his own daughter in January. This is a guy who wanted nothing more in this world than a daughter, and he couldn’t even show up to the hospital to see her. But that worked out for the best, because if there is one thing that sucks more than being stuck in a hospital for days, it’s having someone that you pretty much hate coming for a visit to pretend to be a daddy.
A lot has changed since we separated last June. It has been a year of adjusting to something new. Although things are very difficult, and there always seems to be something happening that causes my life to become even more difficult, I am actually really happy.
After kicking my dad to the curb, suddenly my ex comes a knockin.
The first outing was at the park, neutral ground and all. Things went better than I thought they would. He didn’t ignore his son like he usually does. He gave both children a fair share of attention. We started talking and something strange occurred, there was no animosity, no snarkiness, just normal conversation.
The next week, I met the ex at the grocery store, where he purchased food for me and the kids, in an effort to help out what he could and also get food for dinner. We went back to my house and cooked dinner, well I cooked dinner because some things don’t change. He played with the kids and kept mentioning how he needed to get back into daddy mode. Once the kids dozed off, we started talking again, and it was once again pleasant. The following week, he called a few times just to chat, and texted me random things. One of the days he even called to tell me happy anniversary. Nothing makes a man remember his anniversary better than being divorced, apparently.
So this dinner with the kids is going to be a weekly thing, and there was once a time when my ex and I were best friends, so maybe there is a chance at friendship again. Only friendship of course, nothing more! never going to go down that road again.
Even this morning, he texted me to say how excited he was for today, he couldn’t even sleep. Yea, I know what you are thinking, and he is absolutely like a ridiculous overly sensitive woman.
In the long run, I don’t think that my kids spending time with their dad is going to negatively affect them, even if he does end up disappearing. He spoke about his girlfriend and how she is in navy bootcamp. They might move to Washington when she gets stationed, so perhaps this is his way of being connected with the children while he still can. I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder what is worse, never really knowing your father or knowing him but having a terrible relationship with him. My father was around for my younger years but he was drunk the whole time. After the age of 10, I rarely saw him, that is until he decided he wanted to clean up his act for his grand kids. But that didn’t last long.
My little girl may be most affected because if she never really gets to know her father, won’t that mean she might develop abandonment issues? Thanks to my father, I didn’t become a slut, I just became an un-trusting closely guarded and emotionally closed off individual to men. Even most women. Even this blog is a bit of a cop out, everyone in my family and my friends know I have a blog but only one person even knows which one is mine. So secretive.
So back to the baby daddy situation. My ex isn’t a terrible person, if he was, I would have never married him in the first place. We are just very different people and we had these two amazing children that are perfect in every way. So perhaps I used him mostly for his sperm, whatever. As long as he continues to make an effort, and doesn’t give me too much guff, I won’t be kicking him out of my life and definitely not out of the life of his children. Even if I did still hate him, I have never denied him time with his kids. That would be petty and bitchy, something akin to when women punch a man in the junk. I never understand why women think it’s okay to do that!