Why it pisses me off that I changed my last name.

When I was younger, dumb and in love I was convinced that I wanted to marry the man of my dreams, the love of my life. Well that was almost four years ago, and now we are getting a divorce. Today, I couldn’t tell you why I was willing to marry such a man. Even looking back, I realized that were never a good fit and he just brought me down.

This is a new year, and I am starting a new life. I have my amazing 16 month old son, who brings joy to every second of every day. I am expecting a new baby girl any day now. I have a job that I enjoy. I also have a second job writing, something that I have always had a passion for but let fall by the waist side in the last few years. After separating from my ex last year, I even wrote two songs with my father and went in the studio to record them. It really has been an interesting few months.

When your husband cheats on you, treats you like crap and then blames you for wanting a divorce, it can be a struggle. At this point, I have no idea why I ever fell in love with the guy, either I was crazy or he has gone crazy. It took me 2 and a half years to legally change my name after we got married. I just didn’t feel the need to go by his name, but after having a child I decided it was worth it to have the same last name as my son. However, I cringe that I use the name now. It is an ugly last name, which wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t that it belonged to a man who I nearly hate.

Now for the really bizarre part. The girl who my husband cheated on me with, and is now in a relationship with, shares my first name. How sick is that? if they get married and she takes his name, we will have the same name. Furthermore, since I am trying to make my way through the journalism world, I would hate for that awful human being to be associated with my good name.

So should I just suck it up and just accept that it really is just a name? If I had my way, I would move away with my children and never see the man, I once foolishly loved, anyway. If it wasn’t for internet search engines I would be able to escape my ex and his girlfriend forever, but alas, this is the information age. I guess I am just stuck between a rock and a hard place.

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