The most unpleasant things about pregnancy

  They say that when you are pregnant, you glow and that it is the most wonderful time. Actually I think that in many ways, that is just something people say to further piss off a pregnant woman. Although I find the kicks and the bumps coming from my little girl to be quite amazing, there are a few things about pregnancy that I will not miss.

1. The back-aches

No matter how hard you try to relax, your back never seems to feel better. Getting a message would be great but I can’t lay on my stomach and who has the time anyway with a one year old in charge of my schedule.

2. Stretch Marks

Cocoa butter is great, but no matter what, that skin is stretching and it will show. I once had a belly button ring and after baby number 2, I will never see that symbol of youthful exuberance ever again.

3. The puffy vagina

Some people do not experience this and it is actually more common for the second pregnancy but the itching and swelling in my panties is awful. Too much information indeed.

4. Dental issues

I didn’t have a single problem in my last pregnancy but last month I had bloody puffy gums and I thought my teeth were going to fall out. Things seem okay for now, but time will tell.

5. The leaking

Okay, so there is definitely discharge but there is also the leaking. What I mean by this is that I seem to slightly pee myself and am in need of panty-liners. This is something else that only occurred in the second pregnancy and it makes me a sad panda.

6. Pregnancy mask

This might be one of my least favorites. The dark splotchy spots on my face make me look like I have a mustache. For those who look at me and wonder, “No I do not have a mustache, it is odd discoloration.” I hear that putting on sunblock helps prevent it, but that was not the case and now that I have it, I’m screwed. Well I guess that it will be those lame creams ,that claim to diminish the darkness, for me.

7. No Alcohol

This only occasionally bothers me. Sometimes I want a glass of wine to give me a little warm relaxing feeling after a long and stressful day. Sometimes I just want to hang out with friends, get a bit tipsy and inappropriately flirt with my guy friends. Either way, I will have to wait.

8. No bloody red meat or sushi

I love food, I especially like a big juicy bloody steak. Sorry PETA I was a vegetarian for a year in college, it was cute but unnecessary. I also enjoy raw fish. Both items I seem to crave even more now, I don’t know if it’s because I can’t have them or just that I haven’t had them in so long.

9. Hemorrhoids.

This is something that I have not experienced in this pregnancy and something I did not experience last time until I gave birth. For some reason, I find hemorrhoids to be one of the most uncomfortable and awful things to ever happen to me. Contractions and labor were hard but over a week of having the worst hemorrhoids was so much worse.

10. Sleeping Arrangements

You can’t sleep on your stomach, it hurts sometimes to sleep on your side, they say not to sleep on your back. What the hell are we supposed to do? upside down like a bat? As if trying to sleep through the night with a one year old isn’t difficult enough, I have to find a magical sleeping position that works.

All in all, pregnancy is worth it. There are natural fears that run through your head, there is the pain and the aches and the gross things that you don’t want to talk about. In the end, you get a child out of the deal and that is worth any amount of discomfort. But that is why women are the ones who were given this chore, we are the only ones strong enough to handle it.

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